Vulnerable & Very Honest Piece of Advice
What happens to us does not define who we are.
This realization didn't come easily; it took months of introspection and acceptance. Life has a way of presenting us with challenges that test our very core, and for me, the most significant was the heartbreaking tragedy of his passing – a pivotal moment in my life. The suddenness of it, the sheer shock and grief, left a significant mark on my mental and physical health. I found myself navigating the tumultuous seas of grief, from denial to anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.
His death was more than just a loss; it was a catalyst that forced me to confront my deepest fears and insecurities. In the beginning, I was overwhelmed by the sheer weight of the grief. I remember the sleepless nights, the days that blurred into each other, the constant ache in my heart. I would replay the events leading up to his passing over and over in my mind, searching for signs, for something I could have done differently. It was a relentless, torturous cycle of self-blame and guilt.
For a long time, I mistakenly believed that his actions reflected something about my worth and character. I would tell myself that if this terrible thing happened, it must mean I am fundamentally flawed or unworthy. The pain was not just in losing him but in the stories I told myself about his death. I convinced myself that I was responsible, that I could have prevented it, that his passing was somehow a reflection of my failures.
But the truth is, his passing, though a part of my story now, does not define who I am. It doesn't diminish my value, my inherent goodness, or my right to happiness and fulfillment. This realization did not come easily. It was a gradual process, a painful unpeeling of layers of guilt and self-blame. I had to learn to separate his actions from my own sense of self-worth. His decision, while tragic and impactful, was not a reflection of my character or my worth as a person.
I used to blame myself for what happened, convinced that I was somehow at fault. But his actions do not mean that I am a bad person or that I am inherently wrong or broken. It took a significant shift in perspective to see this clearly. I want to assure you, the stories we tell ourselves in the wake of tragedy often do not reflect the reality of who we are.
One pivotal moment in my journey towards acceptance was when I realized that I was viewing the situation through a distorted lens. It’s so easy to get caught up in our own heads, to let our fears and insecurities cloud our judgment. I had to learn to step outside of myself, to see the situation from an outsider's perspective. When I did, I began to understand that much of what I was telling myself was not based in reality. The assumptions I made about myself and others were often so far off base.
We often create narratives to rationalize our suffering or play the victim, but this self-sabotage leads nowhere. It's crucial to learn to challenge these narratives, to step outside our own heads and view our circumstances more objectively.
Keep moving forward. Hold your head high. When you allow yourself to find light in dark situations, you open yourself up to new experiences and opportunities. You find yourself at the right place at the right time, meeting the right people, and discovering new paths. It's like the "burnt toast theory"—sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall into place.
Even when things don't seem to be working out, even when you feel stuck, focus on where there is movement in your life. Align yourself with that energy and take action. Just because one aspect of life isn't going as planned (like with him) doesn't mean you're stagnant. There are always other areas where progress is possible. By shifting your focus and taking proactive steps, you open the door to new possibilities and growth.
Remember, what happens to you does not define you. It's just a part of your journey, shaping you but not determining your worth. You are resilient, capable, and deserving of all the good things life has to offer. Keep moving forward, and you'll find your way through, stronger and more empowered than ever before.
